May 5th, Cinco de Mayo, and a whole lot more than just tacos went down

Let me take y’all back to May 5th, a day that not only is a day to score a good margarita and remember the war of yesteryear, (not really), but also the day that Phineas died in DOC. (I just like to remind folks of when predators depart). It shouldn’t warm my heart so much, but I think of Amelia, but more importantly, I think of the weeks, months and years that Emmie’s children were exposed to his brutality, and even though the Amish seemingly break their neck to call the police (on non-Amish), they couldn’t seem to find that motherfucking phone shack when this savage piece of shit was dippin’ his dick in ducks and anything and anyone else he could force himself upon. Nah, this is the type of person the Amish keep hidden. The kind they protect, fiercely. So, of course I will always remember 05.05.21 for that reason, and 05.05.25 and this year for another reason, the illegal Amish grocery store debacle.

So, what do we do that day? We roll out to Lengacher’s Grocery off Mt. Carmel Road in Flemingsburg, KY, an Amish-run store where you can buy old cans, mystery cheese, and meat that makes you wanna’ say a little prayer before you eat it. We’d been there before. Plenty of times. But this time was different. I may have called in Mt. Caramel previously, since I tend to write as I speak, but it seems it’s not the rich and gooey delicious treat, but more, blah, without the A. Carmel, as it were.

IT ALL STARTED WITH A ROOT BEER……

I just wanted a root beer, maybe a few snacks. But before I could even pop the top, Joe Lengacher, bishop, store owner, and part-time fire-and-brimstone preacher, decided to unleash a full-blown “You’re going to hell” sermon on my husband, Emmanuel (Emmie), former Amish which he would say “unfortunately.”

“You’re shunned! We can’t take your money!”

Y’all. He said it loud. Said it proud. Said it like he’d been waitin‘ to say it. Like we were the plague, and he was the high priest with the holy mop. Plenty of you saw it on the viral video that is still being passed around and commented on. I find it more absurd how far he chose to take his moral tenants of being Amish, when he was in fact, standing in an illegally ran grocery store, sellin’ food with hygiene practices that potentially compromised many who visited his store, including us, since we all experienced a bout of somethin’ sketch a year or so back, though the ER would call it “Crud”. Either way, how can one exclaim moral superiority, while breakin’ the law at the same time? How can the Amish stand ten toes down on their so-called values, beards flowing, tongues waggin’ about righteousness, yet boldly operate illegal businesses with no license, no taxes, and no shame? That’s the question that sticks like Mcdonald’s syrup on a dashboard, particularly a Ram4500 dashboard, trust me, I know!

They say they live separate from the world, but only when it’s convenient. Step onto their land, and they’ll preach about pride, modesty, and the perils of the “English way,” if you’ve been Amish. Regular people? They think we’re stupid any fuckin’ way and already have a one-way ticket to hell, not to mention they only run their mouth to those who have left, nobody else. They know the probability is high they might get knocked upside the head, but they don’t say much to those who may say something back. They just like to bully those they’ve instilled to accept the abuse as normal.

Then there’s Ol’ Joe, and others like him, runnin’ these fly by night discount groceries, sellin’ old meat and clabbered milk, like the one we were banned from on the 5th. His store, the one he was told he couldn’t open for not havin’ the proper utilities and basic necessity such as a SINK, or more importantly, a water source at all.

The thing Ol’ Joe forgot to rant about was the establishment he banned us from. His backwoods, no sign, no electricity, no water havin’, no permit havin’, no business license havin’ mercantile. I wonder if all the money that ran through his account was tax-free? How much were his charitable contributions? But, more importantly, how in the fuck are you standin’ on a soapbox about being a holy God-fearin’ bishop headed to the promised land, when you ain’t even standin’ up legally? What a fuckernaut! *Trailer Park Boys* With the bishop, pockets bulgin’ from all that tax-free loot, it’s almost as if there’s a fine line between the Lord and the bank, and they’ll walk in work boots and contradictions. That’s all the hell they do. Just like screamin’ “forgive and forget,” but the moment someone leaves the culture that caged them, and everybody else born into it, they turn ice-cold, castin’ hellfire like confetti on them, judging, talkin’ shit, condeming, shaming, and further abusing them, just like they were while in the culture. They never seem to have the same energy for their Amish counterparts who rape a child or the family goat, that’s a completely different story. The abusers get the red-carpet treatment while the victim gets a scolding and many times, the fault, for the abuser’s actions.

How can you ban someone for steppin’ into a bootleg store any damn way? What is the bishop, the leader, teachin’ his flock by way of morals? Do whatever you want, just don’t get caught? Hell, that’s what most people fuckin’ want! He’s spewin’ Amish holiness like he has a one-way golden ticket to God’s bodega, as most Amish do, but comin’ from a bishop, this ain’t faith. It’s control, or a control mindset, it’s cherry-pickin’ religion to justify exclusion, profit, and pride. Amish hate when Amish leave the culture, but they really hate it when you refuse to move and stick around to shove it in their face that they lost control. Ew’ wee’ does that sting! When they see that you no longer fear them, it puts a wrench in their tactics, and that is, honestly, the only ACE up their stankin’ sleeve.

True holiness doesn’t condemn; it frees. It welcomes outsiders and doesn’t use “Tradition” as a fallback. Traditions, *cough cough* screams secrets.

Back to that rant, Joe forgot to mention a few things from his apocalypse monologue, things that should have been told, especially before he called the police. Yes, the Amish “police” their own demonic shit, but have no issue calling the fuzz on others, praying the deputies lock them up for the false allegations they make, and this case was no different, since the sheriff asked if there was any pushing and shoving. Insinuating that is what they said, but the law around here tread lightly on what they say about the Amish, as if they work for them specifically or something. As a matter of fact, even when they know the Amish are full of shit and have told a pack of lies, they’re never prosecuted for it. As if saying, keep lyin’, we’ll eventually find something to arrest the person for.

So, on May 5th, 2025, when Joe stood on that wobbly soapbox spoutin’ his bishop status, claiming heavenly glory for himself and actin’ too good to accept money from an ex-Amish, but more than willing to accept every other illegal nickel comin’ through the store for the past several years. We’d spent a few dollars in that store over the past year or so, and the Lengacher’s spent that Devil money, so why the trip we made in March, when we paid by check, was somehow different, we don’t know. What we do know is, it didn’t stop them from cashin’ that check either.

Why would the money be illegal? Is runnin’ a grocery store a criminal enterprise? Not generally, no, when you have the states permission to operate, and business license in your county and state, to operate, and proper permits to operate, especially when serving meat, dairy, cheese, food of any kind, and other stuff the FDA and USDA keeps up with, so when we discovered that JOE had NONE of these things, well, to say we were flabbergasted would be an understatement! Joe, now, why would you do that? Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t know that a person needed these things, like paying taxes, gettin’ a business permit, or washin’ your hands when handling food, which would require, at the very least, A SINK!! Would he have less violations for blissful ignorance, maybe, since he’s Amish, but, maybe not, since he chose to do his own thing and ignore the NO, which ultimately put EVERY SINGLE CUSTOMER in danger.

NO? What no? Oh, the big, fat, no he got from the HEALTH INSPECTOR, years ago, when he told JOE, HELL NO, you cannot have a store, cause’ yo’ ass ain’t got no water, so how the fuck you gonna’ handle food? (I’m paraphrasing), but the gist is, he was told NO, and he decided he was above the law and was gonna’ open the store any damn way! The Amish have this sort of off kilter and somewhat generous notion for themselves, of course, that whatever they hear, such as No, from someone NOT wearin’ their uniform of tradition, then they ain’t obligated to adhere to it, such as the BIG FAT NO from a pesky health inspector. Like the health inspector’s denial was just a suggestion, and not a bonding declaration.

So, he opened that store. He sold that meat. He sold that old cottage cheese. He collected that money. Did he pay them taxes? Couldn’t tell ya’. Did he have that pesky food handlers permit, at the very least? No, I know he didn’t have that, because his disordered mind never registered that he was runnin’ a bootleggin’, meat-slangin’, cheese gratin’ and certainly no handwashin’ joint, off the radar. He was the bishop, and he approved his own damn message. Joe decided to operate his off the radar store, and collect the scrilla’, and even better when he didn’t have to worry about taxes n shit. Who needs that headache.

However, was he “off the radar?” This town is way too small for those in charge to have not known it was operating, and illegally to boot. Were they paid to shut the hell up? Don’t know, but they knew, because at least in 2023, he was in the Chamber of Commerce!

Do the Amish get special privileges or is there another reason they would be able to operate an entire grocery store, without the proper license. I guess nobody expected there to be any issues, because who would have an issue with the Amish? A lot of people actually, but I digress. Well, I guess they didn’t count on an Amish havin’ an issue with someone else. It would have behooved the bishop to spend more time gettin’ his business license, and less time worryin’ about if someone is shunned or not. Maybe, since he is the bishop he would have spent more time in his own backyard of family members who are always fuckin’ somebody over, or dealin’ with the mass sexual abuse problem in this area and beyond, or his own legalities, but Joe wanted to be BillyBadAss of the illegal Amish mercantile, and worry about somebody just livin’ their life, which has nothing to do with him anyway, since he’s Swiss Amish, aren’t they shunned anyway as a whole? Maybe that was somebody else. Hell, he had enough to worry about payin’ his employees in cash ‘under the table” and being Holy Ghost Employees on Tax-Day.

Lengacher’s Grocery was given a big, fat, NO years ago by the health inspector, because he had no water source in the building, but washin’ hands ain’t that serious to someone where hygiene is optional, and what is the big deal about handwashing anyway? Pandemic who? Botulism what? Well, either way, they were told NO, Denied, NADA, Hell to the motherfucking NAH, It’s a wrap! But in the Amish mindset, “No” from those in charge is just a polite suggestion to never be considered.

Nobody is worried about cross-contamination, bacteria, salmonella, Covid, infectious (anything), food poisoning. Nobody is worried about germs and disease from wildcard food. They have money to make. Unsafe Food? Don’t worry, It’s in God’s Hands partner. (Apparently). How often can you wear meat slicing gloves? All day if you want, because if you ain’t had the cross-contamination and food handling class, you can feign ignorance. They are Amish and can do what they want, period.

Handwashing station. Sanitizer. Towelettes from the BBQ joint. Nothin’! So, while Joe is out here bannin’ folks for “sins,” he’s slingin’ expired cheese with no soap in sight.

Imagine that: your roast beef sandwich prepped by hands that went from bathroom to bologna with no stops in between. That’s not faith, baby. That’s a lawsuit waitin’ to happen. So, Why Haven’t They Been Shut Down? Good Question. Even after being told not to operate, Lengacher’s Grocery is runnin’, or was, but it was set to be closed last week or so by the county health inspector. I’ve not seen it in the paper or anything. I did see the store was part of the Chamber of Commerce here locally. I guess the bar is set pretty low to be part of that, since you aren’t required to be a certified business. This man pulled off a grocery heist, and one might wonder, how? That is the million-dollar question. So, the day we were in there, May 5th, I peeped his wife wearin’ her meat slicin’ gloves all over that store, spreadin’ germs like a 365 day old sponge and it had me wondering. What the hell is this place?

And you know what? No one did.

I wonder what the penalties would be if any one of us were to operate a business for years, sellin’ meat, cheese, repackaged and overinflated priced foods, medicines, and everything else? What is the penalty for sellin’ food to the public without washin’ your hands? What about sellin’ $10 eggs and re-packaged spices or tinctures? Can we just be out here all willy-nilly with people’s health like that? Hell fire, I’ve seen in the news where they attempted to shut down a child’s lemonade stand for lack of permit, but this man can operate a whole enterprise and get a free pass?

Now look, the officials can run their mouths ‘til the cows come home, but let’s not pretend Joe Lengacher’s rogue grocery store just appeared outta’ nowhere like manna from Heaven. Baby, this town ain’t but a hiccup wide, smaller than a fart in a stiff wind, and every so-called leader from the courthouse to the Chamber of Commerce sips from the same coffee pot, so don’t feed me no line about “we didn’t know.” Please. That Amish bishop been servin’ up expired meat and botulism mystery packs wrapped in cling wrap tighter than a deacon’s alibi, and y’all let it roll like it was the damn Piggly Wiggly. Meanwhile, Joe out here lookin’ like the second comin’ of Moses to half the town, struttin’ around with his chin high and his outhouse gloves still on, talkin’ ‘bout who’s goin’ to hell, while he’s the one breakin’ state and federal laws with the casual grace of a gospel hymn. They ain’t ready for that accountability, cause’ they are usually too busy kissin’ that Amish ass to notice the laws being broken right before their eyeballs. Meanwhile, don’t let a homeless person be travelin’ with a grocery buggy down the street. They’ll be surrounded by shiny new cop cars gettin’ 5-10 for a stolen buggy. Funny thing though. I never see a police officer pullin’ over an Amish buggy checkin’ those Coggin’s test like they do our license and registration. I bet J.L. ain’t got that either, but we don’t wanna’ get into that can of worms.

Now here’s where it gets juicy. This man, like many in the fold, probably filled out an IRS Form 4029, that lil’ magic slip that lets Amish folks claim they don’t believe in government programs like Social Security or Medicare, ‘cause it’s against their religion. 🧾 But best believe, plenty of ‘em still out here gettin’ that Medicaid, WIC, and SNAP like it’s Amish Aid. That’s not just hypocritical, Cher, that’s illegal. According to the IRS, signing a 4029 means you’re conscientiously opposed to public insurance, and swear not to accept it. Not now, not ever. But the moment that baby gets sick or someone needs a knee surgery? Suddenly Uncle Sam don’t look so sinful, cause’ you best believe Amish Aid is too busy ballin’ out on that extorted money and losin’ millions to some strip-club Amish investor, to tend to every ache and pain these inbredians have.

You can’t ride both sides of the wagon, bless it. You can’t say you’re too holy to pay into the system, but not too holy to cash out when the gettin’s good. It’s the same script over and over: moral high ground when it suits, and backdoor benefits when it pays. But lemme’ tell you somethin’, it don’t smell right. And it sure as hell don’t smell like Cookie Butter. It smells like Walnut Creek butt crack in July, mixed with a side of rotisserie regret and moral rot. And that, honey, ain’t just unappetizing, it’s criminal. Much like our sheriff bannin’ us from an illegal store. I wonder if he minds that the Amish use the police any way they see fit and never get penalized for anything they do. Justice is only for certain people, and the rest are forced into plea deals.

Now listen here, until the Amish are held truly accountable for their actions, for their hypocritical behaviors, and for using that ol’ religion card like a hopper pass to scathe morality, then every single person and agency turnin’ a blind eye ought to be held just as accountable. That’s the truth, and I’ll sip sweet tea on the courthouse steps while I say it.

We had a global pandemic in 2020, Cher. People were out here losin’ their homes, their businesses, their livelihoods, and yes, their lives. We wore masks, stayed inside, took vaccines, and did our part for the sake of herd immunity and public health. But the Amish? Baby, they out here being walkin’ contradictions. Talkin’ about tradition while runnin’ illegal stores, breeding puppies in cruel mills, hiding sexual abuse like a teenage boy and a dirty magazine, and flippin’ the Bible open only when it benefits them.

So, while Joe Lengacher, the holier than thou Amish bishop (he loves to sprinkle that title around like glitter), has been runnin’ his illegal grocery store and straight up defying the law and health inspector who blatantly told him no, he’s put a lot of folks at risk for illness. From spoiled food to dirty hands, that bacteria have probably creepin’ up the walls like mold, and all he’s worried about is. Actually, we don’t fuckin’ know what he’s truly worried about. Is it the Slabaugh girl he employed who has a sketchy family, and a brother they’ve been hidin’ under that rug for the predator activity they deem so forgivable? Is it because the Slabaugh girl’s sister is married to the predator who abused Emmie’s daughters, and the Amish allegiance is to the abuser. Is that why he wouldn’t say anything about sexual abuse in the video? What is the mental state of a man who is more worried about another man choosing to live life his own way, than he is about a man who violates women, children, little boys, animals and anything else! The clothes? Is that outfit that powerful? It must give a motherfucker a lot of balls and courage to stand ten toes down, or in his case, nine-fingers up while being the bishop of bullshit. When your illegal store smells like a stale turd. Inspections who? Permit what? Business licenses mind ya’ bidness’. Is Joe hidin’ somehtin’ else? Something more sinister, and he didn’t want us anywhere near his store, once he figured out who we were, or does he even know who Emmie is? He certainly never got his name right. Maybe that spoiled meat has gone to his head. Is he hidin’ lawsuits, or his brother’s activity changin’ the dates on meat? Doesn’t he own Lengacher’s Meats in Grabill, Indiana? I can’t remember…

All I do know is, Joe stands on his imaginary pulpit, pointing invisible fingers while runnin’ a bootleg business like he already has one foot in Heaven’s Gates, shaming anyone who dares to leave the culture. I wonder if he knows how many are in the culture right now who are just biding their time. They are waiting for the whole fucking thing to implode, dismantle and they are here for it! They’ve invested too much to leave, but have no fuckin’ problem loading their cattle trailers and gettin’ up through. Fuck the rules. Fuck the bishop. Fuck the abuse. Fuck the exploitation, the silencing, the hypocrisy, the drivers, the fucking farms that most of them don’t give a shit about, fuck the stupid clothes and fuck the lies! Fuck all of it. Joe ain’t even runnin’ a legal store, so how the hell is he runnin’ a community? Into the ground most likely. He’s a con man, like the other bishop Sam Miller he claims to converse with. Well, from what I hear, he ain’t runnin’ nothin’, his sons are, and they’re two Goofies who couldn’t wipe their own ass with other family members who peddle narcotics.

This ain’t about hatin’ on all Amish folks. No ma’am. This is about the ones who know better and still choose silence. This is about bishops like Joe, who hear whispers of abuse and stay seated, who knowingly employ survivors and do nothing but pad their pockets while praying their victims stay quiet. This is about a group that’s gotten so used to immunity, they’ve stopped hidin’ the filth and now wear it like a badge of righteousness, because our government and local officials keep lettin’ them get a free fuckin’ pass.

And yes, let’s talk about danger, baby. The Amish don’t like confrontation, but they sure know how to stir the pot. False accusations? Poisoned food? Prayers for your death? Child’s play for some of them. They’ll break bread with you one minute and try to break your life the next, all with a sweet little smile and a psalm on their lips. Maybe not a smile, since most of them repel happiness, and a smile might break their damn jawbone since they’ve never done it.

But I got news for you: this ain’t just about morals, it’s about the law. We got rules for a reason. If you wanna’ run a store, then have a damn sink, wash your hands, get a permit, store your food properly, and operate legally. Otherwise? That mystery meat you just bought might’ve been fished out a dumpster behind a closed-down Winn-Dixie. You feel me?

The worst part? They don’t even try to hide it anymore. The hypocrisy is front and center, no fucks to give, no scriptures to relate on it. So, hear me loud and clear: stop coddling these groups. Look for them permits in the window, check them inspection dates, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Because the next person who eats something from an unlicensed, unregulated Amish store might not just get sick, they might die. All because the bishop wanted to play grocer, or in Joe’s case, Heaven’s Gatekeeper with dirty hands without playing by the rules.

And as for the rest of y’all feigning ignorance? Just remember when you let one man play God and livin’ above the rules, don’t be mad when the next man feels comfortable doin’ it!

Y’all have a good day and remember, this is for entertainment purposes only.

“Ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt.” Fate leads the willing and drags the unwilling.